Families Need Support and Connection not Separation
By: Jamerika Haynes-Lewis, USA Ambassador Ms. 2021, USA Ambassador Pageant
When I entered foster care at the age of five, I experienced all kinds of foster experiences including kinship care, respite, foster-to-adopt and group homes. These experiences, both good and bad, shaped my life in so many ways. One of the best experiences was with my foster family. My foster parents, the Johnsons, were a major influence in my life. They didn’t take advantage of my love or try to compete for my attention from my birth family. They honored the fact I was someone else’s child. I understand this is not easy to do, especially when you’re loving and caring for a child as your own. To me, this is the epitome of grace.
After spending my entire childhood in the system, I was finally able to reconnect with my biological family. I found out some of what I had been told wasn’t true. It was hard, but it was healing. My biggest takeaway from this experience is that families aren’t what happens to them. And they should receive support and compassion during times of trouble. When parents are unable to take care of their child, the system should provide counseling to all parties involved (i.e., children and biological parents) so families can have closure. But more importantly, for tangible support and resources to be viable, families need true connections in their lives, not simply “a population served” by the system, but having true friendships, being part of a network, and feeling their family is accepted and cared for by their community. I firmly believe this approach is what allows families to thrive during the good times and survive during the bad ones.
Many families come into contact with the child welfare system when they are dealing with poverty and discrimination and may be disconnected from community supports as a result. Society heavily stigmatizes these traits and because of this, most vulnerable families are pushed to the margins. By sharing our stories, advocating and protecting families, we can mitigate the frequency of crises and strengthen community bonds, but we cannot expect families to weather a crisis alone. Connections are vitally important and serve as a protective barrier to having a crisis become worse and unsalvageable.
Services are needed for struggling families. The grief I experienced after my mother’s rights were terminated was so severe. I wish people would have asked me about my family and what my life was like before foster care. This simple action would have allowed me to retain my family’s dignity and precious memories.
Life for me turned on a dime. It was a major loss being seperated from my family. However, loss has taught me to love wholly and give my best in everything that I do. It has made the good times so much sweeter. Winning the USA Ambassador Ms. crown brought so much joy to my life. Because of these experiences, I became an advocate for those who’ve experienced foster care. I also learned that advocating for those who’ve experienced foster care means advocating for our families. Families need support. If provided with community support, mental health and/or substance abuse treatments and training in parental care, a family would be able to live together and have a specialist work with them on life skills and help parents bond with their children. This would shift the foster care situation dramatically. I would like to see these services offered to all families. We should be connecting families with one another through these programs to form networks of support. These types of bonds allow struggling families to build bridges and not lose each other in the inevitable storms of life.
A native of Tacoma, Washington, Jamerika has more than ten years of experience as a journalist and advocate for children in foster care. While growing up in foster care, Jamerika was determined to have a different life than the one she experienced. She put herself through college earning a Bachelor of Arts in Communication from Washington State University. During July 2021, she was crowned USA Ambassador Ms. 2021 through the USA Ambassador Pageant. Her platform is ‘A Chance to Succeed: Empowering Youth in Foster Care.’
